What is the best way to handle young hotties hitting on you at a wedding ?

Last October I was DJing a wedding when a real hottie of about 22 years took a real liking to me :sqerr:. let me explain my situation I am 44 years happily married and the wedding was in my home town 60,000 souls, not that for me the other side of the world would have made any difference as far as infidelity (see happily). My problem arose (no pun intended:sqwink:) because the hottie was quite persistent, sitting on my lap, gesturing at me from the dance floor she even asked me if I needed help packing up. Not wanting to be rude (and I admit a little flattered) I did my best to ignore her and she left with her friends at the end of the night. However the Groom did jokingly comment. Just hope the grapevine stops there. Any similar experiences?

What is the best way to handle young hotties hitting on you at a wedding ?

With both hands!

No seriously. I personally get ticked off when some "hottie" thinks she can do whatever the hell she wants because she thinks all men are drooling dopes. It takes more than that to impress me even if I weren't married.

This is where you have to stop being polite and put the hammer down. A nice dose of reality will do wonders for this type of person. Sure she might turn all "zilla" on you, but she'll still have something to think about.

I ask myself what would PAPA do:sqwink:


WWPD

Barry would really likely say what we arent related? Never mind go find your brother you tramp.
I am so into what Im doing I usually miss the antics. Give me a request otherwise I typically dont notice one from the other when making sure the requester goes away happy.

Speaking of hotties ....Strip clubs,,,, they are hated by girlfriends and wives but what is the real reason, I say it's not the fact of the "show" it's the dough. Wives and girlfriends don't like to share the Honey Pot.. Now if strip clubs were free they would drop us off at them while they went shopping, kinda like babysitters.....Ladies you know its true..

















Barry waits for the attack barely peaking over the wall

... sitting on my lap, :sqrolleyes:

I wanna know how the heck she got to sit on your lap, don't DJ's normally stand? Did you invite her for a lap dance? Doesn't sound to me like you 'tried' to stop her! :sqbiggrin:

What would I do? It is my job as a true professional to do whatever it takes to ensure that each and every person at the event has a good time and leaves with a smile on their face. :sqwink:

Please go back to your regularly scheduled thread

I think we need to see a photo before we continue giving advice... :)

I'm sorry but at my age, this doesn't happen any more. You should be thankful to have this magnetic attraction to young hotties.

It was flattering, back when I was in my mid-40's, to look like someone in late 30's.

Now, approaching mid-50's......I'll be happy if people think I'm 40'ish.



NO MORE LAP DANCES FOR YOU!!!

What is the best way to handle young hotties hitting on you at a wedding ?



I just generally mention I have 6 daughters that chases em off right quick

Honestly I realize it's only cause I'm playing the tunes in the real world they wouldn't even fart in my general direction:sqfrown:

I wanna know how the heck she got to sit on your lap, don't DJ's normally stand? Did you invite her for a lap dance? Doesn't sound to me like you 'tried' to stop her! :sqbiggrin:

What would I do? It is my job as a true professional to do whatever it takes to ensure that each and every person at the event has a good time and leaves with a smile on their face. :sqwink:

Gave up standing all night when started using a laptop, only stand to speak. No did not invite, did tell her to go and dance with friends and she did leave with a smile on her face along with most of the other guests, except for that woman that looked like she had a migrain all night could only think to offer her a tylenol (she did not smile).

I ask myself what would PAPA do:sqwink:


WWPD

Me too! NOBODY hits on me... :sqfrown::sqerr:

At a moment like this, I can't help but wonder,
What would Cpt. Rick, erm, Jimmy "Papa" Buffet do?

Funny you should ask that, because I'd say:

Pour me somethin' tall an' strong,
Make it a "Hurricane", before I go insane.
It's only half-past twelve, but I don't care.
It's five o'clock somewhere...

:sqbiggrin:

I kid you not!!!

Joe and I did a New Year's Eve party together and some young chick asked him, "Do you have a girlfriend?" Joe with a straight face said, "No."
(Meanwhile I am standing right next to him running the lighting controller.) He just looked at me and smiled.:sqlaugh::sqlaugh::sqlaugh:

I was hit on by a lesbian at one of the parties that we did...does that count?:sqembarrassed::sqerr:

I was hit on by a lesbian at one of the parties that we did...does that count?:sqembarrassed::sqerr:


Only if she was cute. :sqwink:

Papa,

Cute...No. She wanted to help me carry the speakers - she said it reminded her of when she was a Roadie...

See my boob grind thread, although resistance was futile.

Hmm I never get hit on damn it. But then again I'm old, crusty and over weight. :sqbiggrin:

I was hit on by a lesbian at one of the parties that we did...does that count?:sqembarrassed::sqerr:

So um, what did you do?:sqbiggrin:

Last October I was DJing a wedding when a real hottie of about 22 years took a real liking to me :sqerr:. let me explain my situation I am 44 years happily married and the wedding was in my home town 60,000 souls, not that for me the other side of the world would have made any difference as far as infidelity (see happily). My problem arose (no pun intended:sqwink:) because the hottie was quite persistent, sitting on my lap, gesturing at me from the dance floor she even asked me if I needed help packing up. Not wanting to be rude (and I admit a little flattered) I did my best to ignore her and she left with her friends at the end of the night. However the Groom did jokingly comment. Just hope the grapevine stops there. Any similar experiences?

Sorry honey, but I didn't bring any Viagra with me. BTW, have you seen my boyfriend?

Next, you are telling a fib. If I could only dig up that thread...........................:sqbiggrin:

Right about the time my wife and i were splitting up...not yet but close...we did a college dance....this 22 to 24 year old smokingly hot gal...who was grinding with her friend asked me...yes me...i know its hard to believe she asked me to dance....now i remained faithful and said no....also it just wouldnt have felt right dancing with someone my daughters age.....when ever its happened i usually have something i preparing to do so i decline.....but usually its grandma that wants me....:sqerr:

Next time, take her number and don't call. Just say "I'm really very busy, and you're really very cute, and those two things can't exist together." Give me your number, I'll call you.

What's the best way to deal with them?

Get one of those "Take A Number" things like they have in delis and put a sign out:

Am In Room....Please take a number and visit in 1 hour intervals

hahahahahahahahaha

Am In Room....Please take a number and visit in 1 hour intervals

Takes a while for those pills to kick in huh?

If some young babe hits on me, I'll hit her right back. No one hits me. No one.

Yes this is a HUGE problem for me.... happenes almost everynight..... night after night....:sqcool:

GOD I LOVE THIS BUSNINESS!!

Well... I always thought it was with one hand on the mixer, the other hand on the gal. Don't laugh ~ it worked. :D

Hey, I've got an excuse. Used to do a lot of VFW and Moose dances back in the day. They'd get some pretty wild women in there. Some were married but that's another story. :)

I haven't had this happen in some years, though. A middle-aged, greying DJ who could stand to lose a pound or twenty ain't what them young gals want. ;)

Geez I didn't know there were so many perverts like me in this business.. *lol*

Err seriously tho I'm glad i read this thread, I haven't laughed so hard in quite some time.

Unfortunately i have NEVER had this happen to me ever.. Not even when i was younger and relatively normal looking.

I used to live in the West End of downtown vancouver *very high gay population* and I've had a few guys hit on me, but no hot women. :sqembarrassed::sqmad:

And if someone says 'its the thought that counts' I WILL hit them.. *lol*

-James

I've told this story before but it seems to fit this topic....

A couple years ago I went out to visit Toqer in San Jose, CA.... and as you know he broadcasts his show via the internet... before I left I show'd my wife how to access the live show...

So, I'm out in San Jose... Toqer has allowed me to take the reins of his show... and this young hottie (later we determined she was a stipper from a local club) comes up on stage and starts grinding on me and asking to dance.... well my wife is watching this....

And as you can imagine she see's red imediately and doesn't continue to watch the feed she imediately goes into a tirade on the online chat.... calling me all kinds of names under the sun.... but she missed the part where... I put up both hands and pointed to my wedding ring and told her sorry I'm married and pushed past her...

OMG she had a look on her face (the hawty not my wife) that said to me.... "I'm hot what's wrong with you, you should WANT to dance with me." Sorry honey, but your not worth my marriage.

It took almost a half hour to talk my wife down and make her understand....

Toqer understands this problem... he had a situation come up before mine that was eriely similar.... a lot of things between us are erie starting with our first names being the same... I wont go into the rest but if I had an Italian twin Toqer would be he.

I've told this story before but it seems to fit this topic....

A couple years ago I went out to visit Toqer in San Jose, CA.... and as you know he broadcasts his show via the internet... before I left I show'd my wife how to access the live show...

So, I'm out in San Jose... Toqer has allowed me to take the reins of his show... and this young hottie (later we determined she was a stipper from a local club) comes up on stage and starts grinding on me and asking to dance.... well my wife is watching this....

And as you can imagine she see's red imediately and doesn't continue to watch the feed she imediately goes into a tirade on the online chat.... calling me all kinds of names under the sun.... but she missed the part where... I put up both hands and pointed to my wedding ring and told her sorry I'm married and pushed past her...

OMG she had a look on her face (the hawty not my wife) that said to me.... "I'm hot what's wrong with you, you should WANT to dance with me." Sorry honey, but your not worth my marriage.

It took almost a half hour to talk my wife down and make her understand....

Toqer understands this problem... he had a situation come up before mine that was eriely similar.... a lot of things between us are erie starting with our first names being the same... I wont go into the rest but if I had an Italian twin Toqer would be he.

I used to have that problem. I'm not married anymore.

No more jealous, controlling women for Wolfie. Life is good. :)

Fred, haven't you guys tied the knot yet? :)

I wish I were still in the business and had these problems, but even if i were.... I'm like Fred, middle aged, could lose a few pounds, dye my hair and perhaps, maybe... although I don't need viagra, lol, and I doubt fred does either. we may be old, but we ain't dead :D

Fred, haven't you guys tied the knot yet? :)

I wish I were still in the business and had these problems, but even if i were.... I'm like Fred, middle aged, could lose a few pounds, dye my hair and perhaps, maybe... although I don't need viagra, lol, and I doubt fred does either. we may be old, but we ain't dead :D

Nope and ain't gonna, my friend. Shirl is holding out for widow's benefits. :)

She's got it all anyhow. Beneficiary.

lol, ok, married without the paper. I knew that anyhow about you two, but I keep hoping someday you two will :)

Last October I was DJing a wedding when a real hottie of about 22 years took a real liking to me :sqerr:. let me explain my situation I am 44 years happily married and the wedding was in my home town 60,000 souls, not that for me the other side of the world would have made any difference as far as infidelity (see happily). My problem arose (no pun intended:sqwink:) because the hottie was quite persistent, sitting on my lap, gesturing at me from the dance floor she even asked me if I needed help packing up. Not wanting to be rude (and I admit a little flattered) I did my best to ignore her and she left with her friends at the end of the night. However the Groom did jokingly comment. Just hope the grapevine stops there. Any similar experiences?


This is hilarious bro..
of course for me this happens to me every weekend since im much younger (18 yrs old) so weddings & Quinceneras are my favorite because i know for a fact im not leaving the gig alone :sqwink:

I've had a similar thing situation happen to me but it was vice-versa...i was the young hottie and there was an older lady hittin on me (34 yrs old). Now that truly scared me. I did basically the exact same thing you did my man...

LOL

Lil, do you have any idea what that 34 year old could've taught you????????

I just usually tell them that I've just been released from prison!:sqeek:

:sqwink:

I just usually tell them that I've just been released from prison!:sqeek:

:sqwink:

Better watch it, Mr. Ball some of the younger chicks like "bad boys". :sqeek:

I'm picturing Kirby getting mauled by a pair of 20 y/o hotties, after he tells them just got out of the joint. :sqlaugh:


:sqbiggrin:

Better watch it, Mr. Ball some of the younger chicks like "bad boys". :sqeek:

Oh yeah, what was I thinking? :sqeek:

I'm picturing Kirby getting mauled by a pair of 20 y/o hotties, after he tells them just got out of the joint. :sqlaugh:

I'm picturing that, and I'm liking what I'm seeing:sqrolleyes: Haven't had that happen since I was a bartender!:sqcool:

:sqbiggrin:

Ok, then the only other option is that Coreen takes them outside and stomps the snot out of them? :sqlaugh::sqlaugh::sqwink:

Ok, then the only other option is that Coreen takes them outside and stomps the snot out of them? :sqlaugh::sqlaugh::sqwink:
I've got one better....

Hows about if Wolfie takes 'em outside and effs the snot out of 'em?

Coreen gets a break, you get to concentrate on your shows and I get to have some fun.... :D

No? OK. Just thought I'd offer. ;)

I'm picturing Kirby getting mauled by a pair of 20 y/o hotties, after he tells them just got out of the joint. :sqlaugh:




A couple of tatoos on that bald head and Kirby gets him some :sqeek::sqlaugh:

Better watch it, Mr. Ball some of the younger chicks like "bad boys". :sqeek:

I'm picturing Kirby getting mauled by a pair of 20 y/o hotties, after he tells them just got out of the joint. :sqlaugh:


:sqbiggrin:

Getting mauled by the hotties or Coreen:sqwink:

Lil, do you have any idea what that 34 year old could've taught you????????


Yeah i somehow Realized that after..
:sqembarrassed:
theres always next time!

What is the best way to handle young hotties hitting on you at a wedding ?

I wish I knew. I got this one chick, shows up every week always wearing white, telling me what to do. It's like she's psycho, every week a new look, new name and wanting me to "introduce" her - right there in front of husband for freakin' sake!

This is hilarious bro..
of course for me this happens to me every weekend since im much younger (18 yrs old) so weddings & Quinceneras are my favorite because i know for a fact im not leaving the gig alone :sqwink:

I've had a similar thing situation happen to me but it was vice-versa...i was the young hottie and there was an older lady hittin on me (34 yrs old). Now that truly scared me. I did basically the exact same thing you did my man...

LOL

got milf!

Gee. To have a young hottie hit on me. The only young hottie to hit on me lately is the wife. She's 49.

Had a couple brides maids offer to show me their boobs if a played a few more songs. Afterwards, the introduced me to their boyfriends. Go figure.

what's wrong with you guys??...it happens to me constantly...REALLY!!...just last night, SMOKE and I went out to karaoke some new songs and BAM, a mid-20s chickie walked right up to the table and started hitting on me, with SMOKE sitting right there...this chickie DID mention she had been to several of our shows elsewhere and enjoyed my singing..i was called to rotation and found out after my song that this chickie went up to SMOKE and "told" her that she was going to dance with me when SMOKE hit rotation..now that was brave!!...i wasn't interested so, we left...TRUE STORY!!

it's that "SEASONED" bad-boy thing i have going...some of you guys know what i'm talking about...

I'd tell her my sons is a spitting image of me when I was 20, he also dj's and I know for a fact he is free tonight

That's why it pays to have a Fascade, just stick them down there and they can get bust while you mix!:sqlaugh:

Taking into the account I am young, but not many nights go by that I dont get hit on, unless I roadie... then I just play with the DMX lights in the corner, or play round with my laptop...

Way cool - back in my touring club days it was NICE as I was single (or newly single) to have the hotties flirting was lovely Yo Ho Ho!

Now I'm happily married it's always nice to get hit on but I have to say (always) "You are beautiful but I'm really happily married and don't want to ruin that right now....."

Flirting is fun no matter the age (as long as it's not guys)

Cute lezzies welcome too ;)

lol hotties yes and no depending how pickled they are too..... :)

well i'll tell you one situation and thats all I will say (I have had a few of these situations in a few places I have worked over the years)

ok one night working at a hotel having keep telling one girl I have known for 12x months (I'll take you home one night and .... you silly) well I am walking around the bar the girl says not tonight , thats fine with me

I also have a new lady that wants to start seeing me ( I ask her to meet me at toto's pizza bar after work of which she does)
I have my Ex that comes in and wants to see me again, I tell her go home it aint happening
now at this stage I am at the door of the place and I turn around and see 3x ladies that I have either been with or want to be with after work looking at me
none of them know about the other and boy I have a hard time even looking that way
well just after work while at the hotel the other ladies are gone home (totos and still waiting , explain that later)
it happen that the barmaid that was behind the bar I ended going home with her that night (No you aint getting details)....

now how did I get in a pickle like this
how do I know it happened, its over and I aint going to do that again..............

now as for the lady at totos - I went out with her for over 2x years and we just parted ways , I caught up with her 15x years later and she was well worse for wear thats all that ever happened on that front..

I now sit here after yet another lady I had to tell I needed room she left and thats it

being single does pay off in the end

(I explain it better on the phone or in person)





oh PS I did end up going with the lady I said I wanted to take home and have my way with... was with her for 8x months

To me...a 50 year old is a young hottie.

and me ......... but I like really young, young hotties 18 and slightly up


Wavy Davy
Virgin Conversions
My Specialty

I just turned 50. LOL
:sqerr:To me...a 50 year old is a young hottie.

Do i feel Spring is coming here????

hotties..thats my specialty well I don't do weddings cause thats for loosers but if a honey comes at cha boy I'll make her buzz like a bee. you heard me!


Nice knowing ya... :sqlaugh:

What about tighters?

Nice knowing ya... :sqlaugh:

I saw this message in my email and I was going to give this guy a piece of my mind about his "weddings are for loosers" remark, what and arrogant little prick, anyway if so good job. :sqwink:

Loosers? Looser than what?

I saw this message in my email and I was going to give this guy a piece of my mind about his "weddings are for loosers" remark, what and arrogant little prick, anyway if so good job. :sqwink:

I am not a moderator. I can't boot anybody....

But what you may not know, is that it was our own lovable Barry Stamper who posted that. He was being funny. :sqerr::sqrolleyes::sqwink:

Boy was I did I stick my foot in on that one :sqembarrassed:. Papa is right Barry you are loveble but that #1 DJ sure is an arrogant prick.

Last time I looked, we weren't in a locker room.

I know he is a Jerk

well you can see that he wont last long in this industry with that attitude like that...

That guy was a butthole.

I kid you not!!!

Joe and I did a New Year's Eve party together and some young chick asked him, "Do you have a girlfriend?" Joe with a straight face said, "No."
(Meanwhile I am standing right next to him running the lighting controller.) He just looked at me and smiled.:sqlaugh::sqlaugh::sqlaugh:


Damn men! They're all alike!

I kid you not!!!

Joe and I did a New Year's Eve party together and some young chick asked him, "Do you have a girlfriend?" Joe with a straight face said, "No."
(Meanwhile I am standing right next to him running the lighting controller.) He just looked at me and smiled.:sqlaugh::sqlaugh::sqlaugh:
So, when we were in Vegas someone asked Joe if you were with him and I said no she's with me. Joe just smiled, it's all good, don't do drugs, stay in school!:spshocked:

I was hit on by a lesbian at one of the parties that we did...does that count?:sqembarrassed::sqerr:Only if you brought her home!:sptongue:

when that happens to me,,, and trust me, it happens A LOT, not to brag or anything,,,, before it goes to far....
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. I usually wake up and look over at my wife in bed...

I just tell them I'm - 7 diamonds.

It works with all but the most discriminating clients.

Personally, I'm flattered when women show interest, especially since I passed 50 last August. I've been happily married since '85, and used to get a bit of attention when I worked the clubs. One in particular was Wooly Bully's, an oldies joint on a strip with a number of other bars and nightclubs. There's also a healthy (?) number of no-tell motels, too. On one Friday night, one of the other DJs I worked with came in to party. He noticed a certain blond that had been talking to me throughout the night and came up to "guy talk" about her. I said, "yeah, she gave me her number." He looked a little shocked. "Don't worry," I said, "I'm not going to use it. Do you want it?" He said, "Hell yeah!" I pointed to the little waste basket we had in the DJ booth and said, "It's in there." (The funniest part is when he was digging through it and asked me, "Which one?" It had been a GOOD night!)

Flash forward to about 4 or 5 years ago. I was hired to play the Pringle's Mobile Nightclub -- a sort of portable dance club that folded up into an 18-wheeler truck trailer -- at a summer festival. For some reason this cute little girl starts hanging out by my booth, seriously flirting with me. Then she says, "Hey, you wanna come to my birthday? It would probably be fun to be a guest for a change!" Not meaning a word of it, I said, "Sure, if my schedule permits. Sounds like fun." She gave me her address and phone number. Oh, and her birth date. She was turning 18. That one left me scratching my head for weeks.

I think one of the mysteries has cleared up, though. At the bar where I part-time, the waitresses and bartenders were tossing around a new term. (At least is was to ME.) They kept calling some guys a "woof." I thought they meant "wolf," a term from bygone days that meant a guy who gave women unwanted attention. (Remember "wolf whistles?") But that's not what they meant. The new "woof" stands for "Well Off Old Fart." So it's quite possible that the PYTs are flirting more with the wallet than the man!

ok...from a womans prespective...if a man approaches me...I'm flattered, but I have learned one very important thing...dont get involved. It will absolutely bite you in the ass. I had one guy when i was in my beginning years of my career who was relentless. I did parties for his family at least 4 times a year. He would hound me at every event and finally against my better judgement and his mother, I went out on a date. Let's just say, it was the death of the family parties. It wasn't that anything happened, except his ego getting hurt, (he was a jerk), but I let him down easy and he must have told the world I was a b**** and that was the end of a lovely paycheck. So what did we all learn from this?

ok...from a womans prespective...if a man approaches me...I'm flattered, but I have learned one very important thing...dont get involved. It will absolutely bite you in the ass. I had one guy when i was in my beginning years of my career who was relentless. I did parties for his family at least 4 times a year. He would hound me at every event and finally against my better judgement and his mother, I went out on a date. Let's just say, it was the death of the family parties. It wasn't that anything happened, except his ego getting hurt, (he was a jerk), but I let him down easy and he must have told the world I was a b**** and that was the end of a lovely paycheck. So what did we all learn from this?

An interesting observation! Our profession must be a very different animal for the lady DJs in our midst. My only comment is that I don't think it is where we meet people that matters. Lots of people meet at work. I think your inner voice was well aware that the guy was a jerk, which is why it was yapping at you not to go! I tend to give my intuition the benefit of the doubt. It has seldom failed me.

This thread goes on and on. Bottom line is there are 2 things you guys can do.
1. Just let them have their way
2. Off makes some long lasting female repellent. Spray it on just before you leave and the hotties won't come anywhere near you, not even for a request.:splaugh:

nice.....we all love a true smart ass lol.

I lost a great client by dating one of their employees. As soon as we started dating they all had us getting married. It was wierd. Only lasted about 2 months.

I used to get hit on when I was married the first time, and now that I married my real wife. But inbetween it was a dry spell. Go figure.

It was a great feeling when the young hotties hit on you. How do you feel as you get older and the older ones are hitting on you?

I used to get hit on when I was married the first time, and now that I married my real wife. But inbetween it was a dry spell. Go figure.
Yep. They want ya until they can have ya! :sphuh:

nice.....we all love a true smart ass lol.

You thought you were the only one!:splaugh:

I get hit on at almost all our events.


























Every time I see a really attractive women my wife hits me and then hits me again. :spshocked:

Last October I was DJing a wedding when a real hottie of about 22 years took a real liking to me :sqerr:. let me explain my situation I am 44 years happily married and the wedding was in my home town 60,000 souls, not that for me the other side of the world would have made any difference as far as infidelity (see happily). My problem arose (no pun intended:sqwink:) because the hottie was quite persistent, sitting on my lap, gesturing at me from the dance floor she even asked me if I needed help packing up. Not wanting to be rude (and I admit a little flattered) I did my best to ignore her and she left with her friends at the end of the night. However the Groom did jokingly comment. Just hope the grapevine stops there. Any similar experiences?You could tell her to contact me next time I'm not married. No just tell her would she like to meet your wife and see what she would think of you hitting on her husband? Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Better watch it, Mr. Ball some of the younger chicks like "bad boys". :sqeek:

I'm picturing Kirby getting mauled by a pair of 20 y/o hotties, after he tells them just got out of the joint. :sqlaugh:


:sqbiggrin:


Kirby hows the love life now that you're out on Parole? :splaugh:

Kirby hows the love life now that you're out on Parole? :splaugh:


Much better, but I think my former cellmate Bubba misses me!:spshocked: :sqwink:

I usually bring along a 'Chick Magnet' like JTV so they can flock to him and leave me alone to mix it up! Unless of course they look like Shakira in which case I give JT a kick in the ass and tell him to get lost!

I have a very good way of getting rid of annoying hotties.
I tell them they are going to have to answer to my daughter who's in the audience.
Seems to work better than telling them your wife's out there.

It was a great feeling when the young hotties hit on you. How do you feel as you get older and the older ones are hitting on you?

Older I don't mind. Ugly is what you've gotta watch out for! As long as she's not ugly, age ain't nuttin' but a numbah. (Hmmm.... where've I heard THAT before?) :sqlaugh:

... with both hands..... hahahahahaha

At my age I'd be more worried about her mother doing that.