School Letter....Please use some courtesy!

I am willing to throw myself at the dogs again, and get some feedback!

I am overall comfortable with the letter, however....I am still unsure about the legal music. Two of my employees feel it is unecessary, however, I am tired of these low ball djs with non legal music getting gigs they should not legally be entitled to. I have made sure that I am 100% legal, and I am proud of that fact, with all the concerns of the ** RIAA.

Anyways...if you see some ways to fine tune this letter, I have nothing but open ears!

Oh yea.....the baggy jeans/tattoo thingy is an important phrase as well! So anyway to clean that up would be nice. I am looking to mail this letter in two days! Thanks!

Adam

Dear Event Coordinator:

Are you looking for a DJ service that will bring high energy to your next school dance? We will do just that! We have been asking students in our region about their experiences with the other DJs that have performed at our area schools, and the results are astounding!

We have found out that they have been missing out on fun they should be having! We have had the opportunity to meet these students at some of our other gigs, and we have heard many comments on the level of service we provide, and the differences in the other DJ companies in this area. We strive to provide 100% customer satisfaction in every type of event we do. At your school, your students can expect to hear the latest music, avoid explicit lyrics, and have a great time. We refuse to play foul lyrics at the school events we perform. If your school has some particular requests that need to be adhered to, our employees have been instructed to do just that.

Customer satisfaction means everything to us! If you are not satisfied with the job we have done, we are not satisfied with the results as well. If you choose Party Revolution to be your next DJ service, you can expect reliable service, friendly customer service, and the best part…a stress free event!

Let's take a short minute to talk about what makes us so special from the other DJs! I can honestly tell you the thing that will set us apart, is our attention to every event we do. We understand that each event needs to be treated as a new event. We have experienced DJs before who do not take requests, and do not know how to read a crowd. We have all been to that "bad dj" and we all know there are different levels of DJs.

If hired for an event, we will come to your school wearing proper attire. We do not support baggy jeans, tattoos, baggy shirts. Our DJs will always show up in a nice, clean pair of jeans, and a nice shirt. If not, they will show up in a dress, for the ladies, and slacks, dress shirt and tie, for the gentlemen.

Our business is 100% professional and legal. The reason I stress legal, is because we know some of the other DJ companies do not have legal music libraries. This is typically why the DJ services are at a lower price. We have tried to keep our prices as competitive as possible, unfortunately, we understand there are a few lower priced DJs in our area, and this might influence your decision. However, in our defense, all our music is legal, we only use professional equipment, and you can expect a higher level of customer satisfaction.

We stress that before you book us, if you have any questions or concerns, we would be more than glad to hear from you and help you find your answers. We have included several business cards, for your discretion. Also, if need be, we would be more than glad to meet you in person, to show you how genuine our service is. This would be a chance to field questions, and let you get a chance to meet some of our employees. Thanks for taking your time to read this, and I hope to see you in the near future!



BEST REGARDS,

Party Revolution "It's Your Party!"

Adam,

My first impression is that it is way to long and contains way to much information.

Remember, the letter is a supposed to help you get your foot in the door and set up a meeting with the event coordinator, not completely do the sale for you.

I would rework it to a bullett point style letter, where you can stress the points you want to make without it getting lost in the all the words. And example would be:

We offer the following to you:

- completely clean and legal music
- professional dress by all our entertainers
- professional grade equipment
- established history of high customer satisfaction
- high level of interaction with your students, including taking request

This makes all the points you make in your original letter without the potential client having to search through what many would see irrelevant info.

Dear Event Coordinator:

Are you looking for a DJ service that will bring high energy to your next school dance? We will do just that! We have been asking students in our region about their experiences with the other DJs that have performed at our area schools, and the results are astounding!

We have found out that the students have been missing out on fun they should be having! We have had the opportunity to meet these students at some of our other gigs, and we have heard many comments on the level of service we provide as compared to our local competition. At your school, your students can expect to hear the latest music, avoid explicit lyrics, and have a great time.

Customer satisfaction means everything to us and we will ensure to deliver the event we have promised! If you are not satisfied with the job we have done, we are not satisfied with the results as well. If you have chosen Party Revolution to be your next DJ service, you can expect reliable and friendly customer service, and an enjoyable event!

Let's take a short minute to talk about what makes us so special!


We offer the following to you:

- 100% Clean and Legal Music
- Proper Dress Attire
- Professional Grade Equipment
- Established History of High Customer Satisfaction
- High Level of Interaction With Your Students
- Attractive Light Show

We stress that before you book us, if you have any questions or concerns, we would be more than glad to hear from you and help you find your answers. We have included several business cards, for your discretion. Also, if need be, we would be more than glad to meet you in person, to show you how genuine our service is. This would be a chance to field questions, and let you get a chance to meet some of our employees. Thanks for taking your time to read this, and I hope to see you in the near future!



BEST REGARDS,

Party Revolution "It's Your Party!"





Ok....lets try this letter, and go from here! Thanks, Patrick

If you read my first letter to my latest...I seen how I focused too much on the competition instead of what makes me so special! I am glad I didnt send that first letter! Thats not too flashy!

Just my opinion Adam but I think it's still too long. Most people that read these have the attention span of a housefly because they recieve dozens a day. Short, to the point, and then pursue the lead will work much better

Many years ago when I was a very young DJ I liked to talk on the mic. My mentor told me "tell them what you have to and then turn the mic off". I've developed a happy medium since then and I think you should follow that same policy with this letter.

The second is much better than the first.Taking the negitave out was a good start. Anytime you are selling anything focus on the positive

You need to start with a better hook line or something. Try something along the lines of...

My name is Adam [Last name], the owner of the Party Revolution DJ service, Minnesota's fastest growing mobile DJ service.

We offer the following to you:

- 100% Clean and Legal Music
- Proper Dress Attire
- Professional Grade Equipment
- Established History of High Customer Satisfaction
- High Level of Interaction With Your Students
- Attractive Light Show

I would like to meet with you to discuss how the Party Revolution can liven up your school's dances. I would also bring along three of my most qualified DJs for high school dances. If you are interested in setting up a meeting, maybe offer a demo or something in this paragraph please call me at [insert phone number] or email me at [insert email addy].


I look forward to hearing from you!

[signature]


Adam [Last name]
Owner, Party Revolution DJ Service


Okay, I've just woken up, but there's an idea for you. It's short and to the point. As a side note, never sign a letter with "BEST REGARDS" because it's impersonal and there are too many Nigerian scam letters that end with that line.

Include a brochure or something colorful and informative (but not too wordy!) in with the envelope. Maybe refer to the enclosed information and make sure that if you have a website, mention it.

adam the first thing that comes to mind is using the word gigs instead of events or dances. Using a word that is not an industry term helps. Gigs is kinda slang IMO.

Good letter.

All above posts have been commendable but how many of the other letters these advisor's will receive sound just like this one.

What could you put in the first line that will get the adviser or students to give your company a try.

I know of companies that will offer a discount if the adviser books all their events at once or if the adviser gives the company all the regular school dances the graduation dance is thrown in for free. What are you willing to do to get these schools business?

I have often toyed with the idea of a game of chance as a enticement to get my foot in the door.

How about starting the letter off with (Would you like to give one of the students attending the dance a chance to win 500 dollars) call for details. Now that you have their attention then tell them about your service.

If you read my first letter to my latest...I seen how I focused too much on the competition instead of what makes me so special! I am glad I didnt send that first letter! Thats not too flashy!


It's just words. The "Limers" could use the same letter. Most importantly, no one cares.

I honestly don't think you're losing gigs to illegal music libraries. The DJs that use them usually amateur in all that they provide. There's always going to be clients taking the "cheapest" price. Especially schools. Why shouldn't they? The kids are just a bunch of ingrates most of the time anyway. That's like telling them they should use glassware instead of plastic cups.

Sell your more important strengths and don't sweat what someone else is doing. If your service is strong enough and your pricing is fair, you'll be working.

How about starting the letter off with (Would you like to give one of the students attending the dance a chance to win 500 dollars) call for details. Now that you have their attention then tell them about your service.

No offense, Cesar, but that sort of line sounds like a spam email. However, I do agree that there needs to be something in the first line that catches the reader's eye.

Lets say the adviser allows her student committee to read the letters and pick the DJs to call. How many of the students would look at that line as a Spam E Mail?

Once you have instituted this program and you actually have a school win (Ouch) you will then have a better punch line to use on your next letter.

Example

Would you like one of the students at your dance to win 500 dollars like Adviser Mrs .... ..............did at Washington Middle School. Call for details.

.................................................. ........................................
116

Kids aren't stupid...they've learned how to filter out spam as well. They know what a "come on" or scam letter looks like. Even then, it's ultimately up to the school administrators, who are paying, which DJ gets hired.



Lets say the adviser allows her student committee to read the letters and pick the DJs to call. How many of the students would look at that line as a Spam E Mail?

Once you have instituted this program and you actually have a school win (Ouch) you will then have a better punch line to use on your next letter.

Example

Would you like one of the students at your dance to win 500 dollars like Adviser Mrs .... ..............did at Washington Middle School. Call for details.

The problem with your argument - This is not a Come On or Scam Letter but a legit offer and program.

Cesar,
Nobody is disputing the legitimacy of a program like that, but you have to put yourself in your potential client's shoes. We all get tons of junk mail and spam that promise those same kind of programs.

In my personal opinion, if one were to have a program like that, it really only offers one more thing that you have to overcome to get the gig.

DJMN, I would definately push what you can do for them and the edited lyrics, is a big plus.

Is this a mailer or an email
We do a tremendous amount of school business while we dont do nearly as big and flashy as Valerie in quantity im sure we are right up there with square 1 we do 200+ school events a year.

In an email we do the flier below. dont knock the pricing we do a lot of market research on price and all the prices are FROM...

Advisors and Students need to know they're going to have a good time, they need to see it and feel it.

Schools are also VERY price conscious unless you're out in south dakota at least around here and in maryland/dc they are

For mailing we have a print version of the same card as a 5x7 (dirt cheap printing from vistaprint.com) and a note. We find out who the dance committee faculty person is and the principal


Dear So and So (PRINCIPAL)

My name is Kyle Sandler and I am with 1st Carolina DJ's. Our company is trusted by over 100 schools across the state. I would like to set up a brief meeting with you, your faculty advisor for school dances and your SGA or Leadership council to show you why we're student trusted and faculty approved. Please let me know what morning works best for you before the bell rings. I only need 15 minutes of your time.

(now this may not be spelling or grammar correct because i just paraphrased it) but this is the jist, if i get the meeting 70-80% of the time i do, i bring krispy kreme donuts and a laptop with a 17" screen. I make sure the laptop is sleeping (not hibernating or off) when im out in the parking lot with the presentation loaded up, put the laptop on the table next to the donuts we watch the video and usually get to the next step which is checking availability and pricing.

Also once you start getting school dances word spreads among kids on facebook, myspace etc, if there is another school that school is friendly with or rivals with then let them know you do that school (provided you do)

I'd change the dynamic of the letter talk to the students with the faculty person as the advisor if you're going to go this route.

We havent had to do this in a while, although i still do a donut breakfast with the students we plan homecoming and prom with, but this year we're adding 2 counties to our TSA so it will be hitting the pavement again.

The other thing we do for school marketing ive touched on in other topics but we buy ads in school newspapers, with our regular schools that use us multiple times i take a full page out and this year for bts we are taking photos from last years dances to accent the "fun"


http://i228.photobucket.com/albums/ee317/1stcarolina/0809-SCHOOLONLINE.jpg

Kyle

oh yeah do the research and find the names out dont use "Dear Principal" or "Dear Event Coordinator"
and remember a good portion of the teachers that are active in this kind of thing are right in our age bracket so dont try and talk over their heads.

All above posts have been commendable but how many of the other letters these advisor's will receive sound just like this one.

What could you put in the first line that will get the adviser or students to give your company a try.



I have often toyed with the idea of a game of chance as a enticement to get my foot in the door.

How about starting the letter off with (Would you like to give one of the students attending the dance a chance to win 500 dollars) call for details. Now that you have their attention then tell them about your service.

I know of companies that will offer a discount if the adviser books all their events at once or if the adviser gives the company all the regular school dances the graduation dance is thrown in for free. What are you willing to do to get these schools business?

At the end of the letter..which still needs to be fine tuned....I quote my prices. The prices are non relevant in this thread, as its not a pricing thread. I offer buy so many..get x amount off a dance...or buy three get one for free. Thats a simple incentive which is fair.

I am going to try simplify this letter again, and see what you guys think from there. Thanks for all the input! IT IS MUCHO APPRECIATED! :sqbiggrin:

It's just words. The "Limers" could use the same letter. Most importantly, no one cares.

I honestly don't think you're losing gigs to illegal music libraries. The DJs that use them usually amateur in all that they provide. There's always going to be clients taking the "cheapest" price. Especially schools. Why shouldn't they? The kids are just a bunch of ingrates most of the time anyway. That's like telling them they should use glassware instead of plastic cups.

Sell your more important strengths and don't sweat what someone else is doing. If your service is strong enough and your pricing is fair, you'll be working.

I have to comment on your illegal music libraries. I/We good Dj services lose many gigs to lower end cheap djs with illegal libraries. It may not happen in your area, but in this area...I can name 4 Dj services off the top of my head with illegal libraries, and they are cheaper than me. Oh and guess what....people book them because they are cheaper. I am disguisted that anyone can get 20,000 songs for free, and undercut me! They dont own their music, and I am losing business because of it. It is a problem. The honest Djs are being punished, while the "illegal dj music users" are raking in profit they should not be entitled to. If we can be on the same level playing field, and they buy their music, they would have no reason to charge as little as they do! I would also like to mention...I am fine with competition, but I am not ok with losing gigs with "illegal libraries!"

Anyway, its something I am passionate about...and thats my two pennies. I suspose..I better get working on the real reason I am on this thread!

Take Care.....

It's just words. The "Limers" could use the same letter. Most importantly, no one cares.

I honestly don't think you're losing gigs to illegal music libraries. The DJs that use them usually amateur in all that they provide. There's always going to be clients taking the "cheapest" price. Especially schools. Why shouldn't they? The kids are just a bunch of ingrates most of the time anyway. That's like telling them they should use glassware instead of plastic cups.

Sell your more important strengths and don't sweat what someone else is doing. If your service is strong enough and your pricing is fair, you'll be working.



I just wanted to say I agree with you 1,000,000%! Thats why I tried to take out "other Dj services!"

Don't waste your time sending a letter. You need to send full-color, flashy, professionally-designed flyers or something better/more-unique. No one is going to read paragraphs of information. Keep in mind that these schools are receiving dozens to hundreds of marketing materials from other DJs. You need something that sticks out from the crowd.

Yes yes Yes like Anthony said use something flashy and get in their face

I have to comment on your illegal music libraries. I/We good Dj services lose many gigs to lower end cheap djs with illegal libraries. It may not happen in your area, but in this area...I can name 4 Dj services off the top of my head with illegal libraries, and they are cheaper than me. Oh and guess what....people book them because they are cheaper. I am disguisted that anyone can get 20,000 songs for free, and undercut me!

You will always lose some gigs on price unless you are the bottom of the barrell or working for free it's just the way it is. If you are losing alot of gigs based on price alone then it's time to review what you are doing.

Honestly do you think that clients worry about where you get your music? All they see is the price and what you get for that price. Offer value for the dollar. You have shown pictures of your light show? Do the cheap DJs match this? You are a well dressed clean cut young man. Do the competition offer this?

Many of us (myself included) have been trying to break our local school markets for years. In my case it's been to no avail but when Prom time comes along I get the calls every year. Why? Not because I am cheap but because I offer value.

The ultimate goal for the schools when they put on a dance is to raise money for some committee or another within a school. They dont give a care who plays the music just that there is music there. They also couldn't care less if the kids have fun just as long as they keep coming back and paying thier money at the door all they see is numbers. Understand this and play on this.

Use the letter to get you in the door and then play on the greed. Explain to them that after a few dances the word will spread quick that its a whole bunch of fun now not the same old boring DJ that has 2 speakers on sticks and coffee can lights. It might cost $200 more but at 5 bucks a kid you only have to draw 40 more to break even...and you will get them if you give them what they want.

We are looking for schools again this year and we may have a better shot at it this time around. We have been running our own teen dances the last 11 months or so and they are seeing what they are missing. Get the kids interested they will talk to the teachers for you.

If you want to read about it the details are here (http://www.ourdjtalk.com/showthread.php?t=8827)

Good luck Adam

Are you a fortune 500 Millionaire or what?:sqcool:Is this a mailer or an email
We do a tremendous amount of school business while we dont do nearly as big and flashy as Valerie in quantity im sure we are right up there with square 1 we do 200+ school events a year.

In an email we do the flier below. dont knock the pricing we do a lot of market research on price and all the prices are FROM...

Advisors and Students need to know they're going to have a good time, they need to see it and feel it.

Schools are also VERY price conscious unless you're out in south dakota at least around here and in maryland/dc they are

For mailing we have a print version of the same card as a 5x7 (dirt cheap printing from vistaprint.com) and a note. We find out who the dance committee faculty person is and the principal


Dear So and So (PRINCIPAL)

My name is Kyle Sandler and I am with 1st Carolina DJ's. Our company is trusted by over 100 schools across the state. I would like to set up a brief meeting with you, your faculty advisor for school dances and your SGA or Leadership council to show you why we're student trusted and faculty approved. Please let me know what morning works best for you before the bell rings. I only need 15 minutes of your time.

(now this may not be spelling or grammar correct because i just paraphrased it) but this is the jist, if i get the meeting 70-80% of the time i do, i bring krispy kreme donuts and a laptop with a 17" screen. I make sure the laptop is sleeping (not hibernating or off) when im out in the parking lot with the presentation loaded up, put the laptop on the table next to the donuts we watch the video and usually get to the next step which is checking availability and pricing.

Also once you start getting school dances word spreads among kids on facebook, myspace etc, if there is another school that school is friendly with or rivals with then let them know you do that school (provided you do)

I'd change the dynamic of the letter talk to the students with the faculty person as the advisor if you're going to go this route.

We havent had to do this in a while, although i still do a donut breakfast with the students we plan homecoming and prom with, but this year we're adding 2 counties to our TSA so it will be hitting the pavement again.

The other thing we do for school marketing ive touched on in other topics but we buy ads in school newspapers, with our regular schools that use us multiple times i take a full page out and this year for bts we are taking photos from last years dances to accent the "fun"


http://i228.photobucket.com/albums/ee317/1stcarolina/0809-SCHOOLONLINE.jpg

Kyle

Are you a fortune 500 Millionaire or what?:sqcool:

Hardly Jon we've got two problems this business is expensive to run and sometimes i have to get out of dj mode and into manager mode more often im stuck in dj mode, a dj that has to have nice toys...

And some of those toys are NICE!

And some of those toys are NICE!

That's why were working together now because if you didnt know sparkie is sooooooo anal i may have money at the end of the year. (which is a VERY good thing)

Shorten it and lose most of your exclamation points.