Weddings Anyone ever done a garter toss like this

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I was reviewing the worksheet for the upcoming wedding this weekend when I saw this:

"Have your MC warn the DJ that you are about to do the garter removal so that he/she can have the appropriate garter removal song ready. Instead of calling all the single guys to the dance floor your MC or DJ can call all the married guys. The groom then removes the garter as you stand on a chair. The garter can then be tossed into the crowd of married guys. The guy who catches it is then instructed to place it on his wife's thigh when they get back to their house or hotel room. To start the dancing again the guy who caught the garter and his wife can open the floor on a nice love song."

Anyone ever done it like this?
 
Nope nor would I, at least not in that manner.

Instructing the guy "to place it on his wife's thigh when they get back to their house or hotel room," is not the type of moment I would choose to facilitate.

Insinuating, implying, predicting or otherwise referencing the sexual activities or behavior of guests is not something with which I would choose to associate my wedding reception performance. YMMV.

The garter "ceremony" provides the most opportune circumstance for unnecessary and unfortunate outcomes at a wedding reception.

However, it can be done in a classier manner that would would create more appropriate and enjoyable outcome. That would, however, require actual and effective concern, planning, and understanding.
 
djrox said:
Nope nor would I, at least not in that manner.
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I haven't - and don't think I would either.

djrox said:
Instructing the guy "to place it on his wife's thigh when they get back to their house or hotel room," is not the type of moment I would choose to facilitate.
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Agreed - if they're married - why can't he place it on his wife's thigh there?

djrox said:
Insinuating, implying, predicting or otherwise referencing the sexual activities or behavior of guests is not something with which I would choose to associate my wedding reception performance. YMMV.
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Agreed.

djrox said:
The garter "ceremony" provides the most opportune circumstance for unnecessary and unfortunate outcomes at a wedding reception.
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May not agree. The garter ceremony as I have done it and seen it done is not unnecessary nor unfortunate. For the most part, it's been done tastefully.

djrox said:
However, it can be done in a classier manner that would would create more appropriate and enjoyable outcome. That would, however, require actual and effective concern, planning, and understanding.
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Agreed. Example - anyone under 18 (that caught the bouquet or garter) halts the ceremony after the garter is tossed. Sometimes, the BG will dictate that they don't want under 18's involved. Other times, they don't care.
 
ittigger said:
Originally Posted by djrox
The garter "ceremony" provides the most opportune circumstance for unnecessary and unfortunate outcomes at a wedding reception.
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May not agree. The garter ceremony as I have done it and seen it done is not unnecessary nor unfortunate. For the most part, it's been done tastefully.
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The garter removal can, has and will, in my performance, be an absolutely positive event. I merely said it was the most "opportune circumstance." That is just another reason why detailed planning and communications with the clients and/or honorees is so important, valuable, and necessary.

E.g., My clients are aware and I tell they exactly why during our meetings that I specifically refuse and will not play certain selections for the garter removal, primarily one all to common selection.

In 25+ years, I have not had a single bride, even if it was the initial choice, demand or request that song after that discussion.
 
djrox said:
The garter removal can, has and will, in my performance, be an absolutely positive event. I merely said it was the most "opportune circumstance." That is just another reason why detailed planning and communications with the clients and/or honorees is so important, valuable, and necessary.

E.g., My clients are aware and I tell they exactly why during our meetings that I specifically refuse and will not play certain selections for the garter removal, primarily one all to common selection.

In 25+ years, I have not had a single bride, even if it was the initial choice, demand or request that song after that discussion.
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Agreed. I'm ok with that common selection. Whatever they want - it is all about them. I explain it with them too.
 
ittigger said:
I'm ok with that common selection. Whatever they want - it is all about them. I explain it with them too.
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Then we disagree on a very basic component.

It is not all about them. They have invited the most important people they share their lives with and we are not performing in a vacuum ruled or limited by their standards. All of our actions can impact these loved ones and their guests. A couple that would be so selfish as to completely disregard the resulting negative impact of their choices on their loved ones are not clients I would elected to work with or for.

While you may never hear from the effected, the chance that a father, mother, brother, new husband, father-in law, etc. will be rightfully and properly offended by the implications of the song are real, actual and, at least in my experience, very likely.

Every bride is at least one parent's, one other human being's cherished and special daughter, sister, wife, etc., and they don't deserve the potential negative results and I will not facilitate the creation of such an outcome. Not gonna happen on my watch.

Apparently, YMDV!
 
I like it, especially if it is a couple a little older , maybe a second marriage, etc, you can tell what crwod it will work with, you would not do it every time, but I could even see a double garter deal, its different and sounds like fun,,,
 
djrox said:
Then we disagree on a very basic component.
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I don't think so - we just look through 2 different sets of glasses. The client is hiring you to make THEIR day special. They're not hiring you for their guests.

djrox said:
It is not all about them. They have invited the most important people they share their lives with and we are not performing in a vacuum ruled or limited by their standards. All of our actions can impact these loved ones and their guests. A couple that would be so selfish as to completely disregard the resulting negative impact of their choices on their loved ones are not clients I would elected to work with or for.
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I've met BG's that let me be me and I've met BG's that 'macromanage' for lack of a better term. Most clients include their most important people in their plans and thoughts. Have there been those that could care less - absolutely. Have I seen many - absolutely not. Most of my shows are planned thoroughly and are set so as to not offend anyone - but, the BG have final say of what they want on that day. If you don't want to fill that need, they'll move on to the next that will. I turn down shows too. We may have different lines in the sand for where we may pass on a show - but we're both filling the same needs - for the BG.

djrox said:
While you may never hear from the effected, the chance that a father, mother, brother, new husband, father-in law, etc. will be rightfully and properly offended by the implications of the song are real, actual and, at least in my experience, very likely.
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Absolutely correct. To this day, I hear from people that were at my shows and were not at my shows because I cost too much. For the ones at my shows, they were great. For the ones that were not - we should have had you.

djrox said:
Every bride is at least one parent's, one other human being's cherished and special daughter, sister, wife, etc., and they don't deserve the potential negative results and I will not facilitate the creation of such an outcome. Not gonna happen on my watch.
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Nor mine.
 
ittigger said:
The client is hiring you to make THEIR day special. They're not hiring you for their guests.
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Regarding the reception, where the subject "ceremony" occurs, they are hiring us for their guests. The reception should be a gift to the guests, especially their loved ones, from the newlyweds.

They have gathered to celebrate and honor the commitment to and advancement of the family and to elect to satisfy one's selfish, truly insignificant desires over the concerns of those very important people that, until that day, have provided all the support needed and required, is a trait and behavior with which I would just as soon not associate.
 
djrox said:
Then we disagree on a very basic component.

It is not all about them. They have invited the most important people they share their lives with and we are not performing in a vacuum ruled or limited by their standards. All of our actions can impact these loved ones and their guests. A couple that would be so selfish as to completely disregard the resulting negative impact of their choices on their loved ones are not clients I would elected to work with or for.

While you may never hear from the effected, the chance that a father, mother, brother, new husband, father-in law, etc. will be rightfully and properly offended by the implications of the song are real, actual and, at least in my experience, very likely.

Every bride is at least one parent's, one other human being's cherished and special daughter, sister, wife, etc., and they don't deserve the potential negative results and I will not facilitate the creation of such an outcome. Not gonna happen on my watch.

Apparently, YMDV!
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Wow, what a buzzkill
 
I choose not to push my morals on anyone. I just do what the customer wants and go with the flow. I would not take any action unless people were obviously distressed with a situation. I have a microphone and know how to use it to talk over anyone and quickly play a song to fill the dance floor which will defuse most situations.

My motto is life is too short to not have fun. Most people that I have very few regrets for things they did, but most do have regrets for things that they wish they had done. I keep an eye out for the 1% who lack social skills, but I'm not there to tame Uncle Ted or cousin Chip who do whatever it is they do. If the customer tells me not to let person X anywhere near a microphone, I do that. Otherwise party on!
 
Scott Harris said:
I choose not to push my morals on anyone.
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You don't? Do you have any children, a daughter perhaps?

Scott Harris said:
I just do what the customer wants and go with the flow.
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Would you play offensive lyrics at a wedding?

Scott Harris said:
My motto is life is too short to not have fun.
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Fun and respect, enjoyment and decorum, celebration and honor are not mutually exclusive.

Scott Harris said:
Most people that I[sic] have very few regrets for things they did, but most do have regrets for things that they wish they had done.
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That is t-shirt/motivational poster nonsense.
 
Scott Harris said:
Yes, I do and I am very proud of her! I hope you are careful where you head with this.
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You have no worries.

So you do "push" your "morals" on others. (Hint: Eveyone does, most don't like to admit it. Why that is so is a different discussion)

Is your daughter still a minor, or a single or married adult?
 
djrox said:
Regarding the reception, where the subject "ceremony" occurs, they are hiring us for their guests. The reception should be a gift to the guests, especially their loved ones, from the newlyweds.
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Sometimes it's the parents throwing the party - in which case, the BG are the recipients.

djrox said:
They have gathered to celebrate and honor the commitment to and advancement of the family and to elect to satisfy one's selfish, truly insignificant desires over the concerns of those very important people that, until that day, have provided all the support needed and required, is a trait and behavior with which I would just as soon not associate.
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C'mon Rox - you do weddings - and this happens at alot of shows, yours, mine and others. I guarantee you that most BG's are not going to poll each and every important person to see what may or may not impact them throughout the night. It's impossible to guarantee that you won't ever offend anyone - unless you play Barney all night - no, I take that back because even Barney offends someone.

I think an unwritten rule in our world is 'you can't please everyone all the time'.

I'm not disagreeing with you. This is a party for their guests (and you'll be surprised how many BG's don't realize this). Even if it's a party for their guests, the BG are the honoree's of said party. You will see 3 sides of that coin. The couples that see it as their party, the couples that see it as a party they're throwing for their guests and the ones that see it as a party for everyone.
 
ittigger said:
I'm not disagreeing with you. This is a party for their guests (and you'll be surprised how many BG's don't realize this). Even if it's a party for their guests, the BG are the honoree's of said party. You will see 3 sides of that coin. The couples that see it as their party, the couples that see it as a party they're throwing for their guests and the ones that see it as a party for everyone.
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Never risk you rep on a coin flip!:triwink:
 
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