No .. but in a similar manner, if you're dad orders something that YOU said cannot be ordered or that the waiter knows will not go over well (lets say he wants a lobster raw), then is the waiter wrong by not giving him what he wants?
what to do about a little slander
- Thread starter tunes4046
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No .. but in a similar manner, if you're dad orders something that YOU said cannot be ordered or that the waiter knows will not go over well (lets say he wants a lobster raw), then is the waiter wrong by not giving him what he wants?
Customers are not always right. They may hold the purse strings, but that doesn't make them 100% right.
I am reminded of a quote I cut out years ago ...
"On the internet, you can be anything you want ... It's strange that so many people choose to be stupid".
"On the internet, you can be anything you want ... It's strange that so many people choose to be stupid".
I would stick to what is REAL - and not invoke raw lobster or other bizarre things.
If Dad is asking for songs on the Bride's do not play list that is an issue you MUST resolve on site at that time otherwise, it will get resolved later without your input and you'll be reading about their decision online!
"Holding the strings" is a reference to puppets. Why do you approach customer relationships from the perspective of control?
If your opening act is a fallible customer then it's not a surprise that the show doesn't always end with you in the winner's circle since you've been holding that negative string all along.
I would stick to what is REAL - and not invoke raw lobster or other bizarre things.
If Dad is asking for songs on the Bride's do not play list that is an issue you MUST resolve on site at that time otherwise, it will get resolved later without your input and you'll be reading about their decision online!
It's been my experience that these are usually no-win situations, dependent upon how much of an arse the FOB is. If the girl knows you're on HER side, and doing what SHE wants at her wedding, she usually turns a deaf ear to dad's complaints, after the fact. If you drag her into an argument with her dad, during her wedding, then you've done her a huge dis-service and created stress for her that she shouldn't have to be dealing with. You should have had enough skills to gently dissuade her dad from going against her wishes. In the end, I'm always, 100% of the time, am going to come down on the side of the Bride.
"Holding the strings" is a reference to puppets. Why do you approach customer relationships from the perspective of control?
If your opening act is a fallible customer then it's not a surprise that the show doesn't always end with you in the winner's circle since you've been holding that negative string all along.
Nice try at twisting words but, fail. Yes, the client has control over their money. That does not make them 100% right.
Correct, YOU would .. your guests may want just the opposite and what they want may be really bizarre.
If Dad is asking for songs on the Bride's do not play list that is an issue you MUST resolve on site at that time otherwise, it will get resolved later without your input and you'll be reading about their decision online!
Resolving it now or later may not change the outcome. What goes on within a family is something that may not include your input regardless.
It sounds like every excuse is covered - from allowing for all possible exception, to the hopelessness of fate.
I don't see where this helps you.
You didn't inform or consult with the bride on-site about how you were dealing with her Dad and she found out later you were being dismissive of him. No parent deserves to be treated that way at their child's wedding reception and I think that's how you earned the online ding. You owed it to her to inform and include her in ANY decision you made about how to handle her dad's requests.
Customer service is not about taking charge and making executive decisions. It's about thoughtful disclosure and consulted action.
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Excuse, no. Reality, quite possibly. According to you - that waiter should allow your dad to order whatever he wants .. and / or for that waiter to attempt to resolve that now with you - which may or may not be fruitful to you, your dad, the waiter or all parties involved. It's pretty clear that you don't understand that.
I admit, my earlier post may have sounded like I didn't consult, at all, with the bride. My usual course of action is to quietly let her know, "Your dad is asking for so and so, is that okay by you?" If she says okay, then dad gets his way. If she doesn't dad can pound sand. I'll be nice to him, smile and tell him, "I'll try to get to that as soon as I can." but no way am I going to go against her wishes, nor will I throw her under the bus by telling him "Your daughter doesn't want that", nor will I ever put the two parties face to face to hash it out and "resolve it". As DJs, we simply cannot, nor should we attempt to resolve long-standing family issues. The wedding day is often a girl's first chance to have it her own way, and it's my view that it's my job to do exactly as she says.
I understand that raw lobster is not on the menu, and that the waiter does in fact have every intention of satisfying Dad.
Unless Dad is mentally ill - I don't see anything REAL in this bizarre circumstance you describe.
If you're going to make decisions regarding the treatment of a wedding guest those decisions need to be informed by the bride, just as the waiter would seek to be informed by me regarding the treatment of my dinner guests. This is not a hard concept. People do walk out of restaurants, and/or give bad reviews just as they do with DJs who fail this same basic courtesy.
Any NORMAL person would have understood you could substitute the Raw Lobster for whatever else your dad wanted that you did not ask for, even moreso if it was arranged that there is a limited menu. The waiter may or may not seek to be informed by you (especially if the menu was limited). This is not a hard concept either. Regardless, the outcome of said scenario may or may not have anything to do with input from the waiter.
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This practice as the clever and silent peace keeper is typically unstated and unnecessary. It is therefore, a surprise to the bride when she later finds out how important something was to her dad and the DJ essentially downplayed it to suit his own preference. It's a deception not a resolution when we quell Dad with a lie and minimize the significance of it to the bride.
We not only need agreement prior to the wedding about how to address conflicts between the no play list and the immediate close family members, we need to be sensitive to the fact that our predictions can be wrong. Most couples think of the do not play list as a boundary for the in-laws of their distant cousins - not mom & dad. Even when the client expects to preempt a parent - if we are going to blow off Mom or Dad we need permission that is based on good solid information and disclosure - not our gut feeling. Life changes on a dimeand in an emotional situation perspective often changes.
That conversation on-site may go like this:
"Your Dad just came over and requested xxxx. I know we agreed not to do that but, he told me a story about it and it sounds like it may mean more to him than we thought. I can explain to him that I intend to move on without it - or would you like to talk to him yourself?"
It the decent way to treat people. I've had that play out in all four possible outcomes with or without her talking to Dad and both have been nothing but grateful for the extra concern expressed.
???
How about you try a different analogy, perhaps one that doesn't require an incompetent waiter or my Dad and I to be combative about food.
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You're twisting my words in your first paragraph. That is not even close to what I've said. Don't twist words in order to try and win your argument. Regarding your situation example, I can't say that I've ever had that kind of scenario play out. I would agree, if dad made you aware of some special significance, I would mention it to the Bride, then wait for her decision. I would not suggest for her to "talk to him yourself". My view, that's pushing things back on the Bride and effectively throwing her under the bus.
The specific scenario I speak of goes more like this; You have a full dance floor, working material the Bride wanted and she's on the floor with her friends, having the time of their lives (so to speak). Dad comes over, half drunk and barks, "Who asked for this shit? I want to hear Green Grass and High Tides, now." In that case, it's clear that he's just being an arse. He doesn't care that the Bride is enjoying herself. In fact, I've even had parents who resented (Bride's words, not mine) that she was having such a good time and they wanted to tone it down. In that particular case I'm not going to blindly comply, as it's going against her wishes and dampening her evening. MY personal preference has no bearing here. I'm going to tell him, "Yes sir, that's a great selection. I'll see what I can do." If he persists, I'll slide over to the bride and tell her, "Your dad asked for so-and-so. Do you want me to play it or not?" If she says no, I'm going to continue ignoring him. If he persists, I will let him know (as diplomatically as possible) that she vetoed it. I'm also going to do my very best to not tell him "Your daughter said no, go talk to her and work it out." If he goes home, pissed off at me, that's fine. I didn't just ignore him. I took direction from my client, the Bride, who vetoed his wishes. Most of the time, the Bride knows the score and she knows I had her back.
You're the one that introduced the waiter, dad and food as an analogy. Now you want to back peddle because it isn't working for you? Now, you've also changed to assuming that the waiter is incompetent - yet just previously you said you knew the waiter had every intention of pleasing your dad.
You're assuming in this case that the Bride and her dad are not combative. Maybe they are, maybe they're not. Maybe she said she didn't want to hear Country. Maybe she doesn't want her dad requesting songs.
All your scenarios have the same theme - us versus them, keeping score, etc. It's your personal preference to read a diametric motive into everything people say and do. Lose the scoreboard - there's only one team on the field.