Weddings Is it time to stop focusing on Weddings?

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ittigger said:
Coming full circle back to deep relationships with the current generation .. how do they happen without intimate social interaction?
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The same way they always do - at school and in the workplace where people with mutually shared goals or interest spend great deals of time together.

I think what happens however, is that technology accelerates and distorts those connections by extending their reach. Consequently people experience many more false starts - mistaking intense but very narrow connections for the more broad and deep mutual investment that defines a potentially life-long connection.
 
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Next thing you know there will be an APP to get married. The new generations are going to be shorter in stature and develop a hump as the stare all day and part of the night at there iPods, iPads, Android, etc.

I see it down here, they don't talk among themselves and it's scary how the people skills have deteriorated and social interaction is being wiped out.
 
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Proformance said:
The same way they always do - at school and in the workplace where people with mutually shared goals or interest spend great deals of time together.

I think what happens however, is that technology accelerates and distorts those connections by extending their reach. Consequently people experience many more false starts - mistaking intense but very narrow connections for the more broad and deep mutual investment that defines a potentially life-long connection.
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I don't disagree with you .. but I think J Mac actually got it right. They will be using a 'relationship' website looking for this.

On a family front, I think it's funny how the older generation went from 'hiding' things that bothered them .. to my generation that is social and communicative about most things .. to the younger generation that has no idea how to interact.
 
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Proformance said:
People associate vulnerability with connection but, over-sharing is not vulnerability or connection. A lot more than just communication has to happen before people become worthy of connection.
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Well, I respect your thoughts on the matter, but I don't view communication and connection as interchangeable... Although, one does lead to the other. I do acknowledge that everyone's point of connection varies. Yours seems to be a bit more demanding. Which is commendable, abeit dated. Be careful though... If your point of connection is too far for most to reach, you may end up with none.

Proformance said:
I think what happens however, is that technology accelerates and distorts those connections by extending their reach. Consequently people experience many more false starts - mistaking intense but very narrow connections for the more broad and deep mutual investment that defines a potentially life-long connection.
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Have you seen the divorce rate? People false start in the real world too. Maybe they just aren't very good socially, to begin with?

Proformance said:
The same way they always do - at school and in the workplace where people with mutually shared goals or interest spend great deals of time together.
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There are 7 billion people in the world. Do you really want to narrow your connections to the fraction in front of you? Technology is a gateway to the world. If used wisely and logically, it can be an invaluable gift. My friends and I wish you well. ;)

"That's all I have to say about that." - Forest Gump
 
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Electronic social media can be used to form misguided relationships, just as they can in person, as hank pointed out.
They can be used to form good ones as well.
I believe it's naive to think a friendship cant be built on line. Just like in person relationships, the strongest the relationship, the more forms of communication are typically added to the mix.
When the telephones first came out, the president said it was interesting, but didn't see a need for it as a conversation should be in person. Yes, some conversations should, but 97% of them can be done via phone, and some today via text/social media

In the 70s and 80s, it was common for teens to be on the house phone for hours on end. Kids misused... Or over used what ever was available back them too. In the 90s, kids had pagers. We like to think kids today are much different, but they are not. They are just using what's available to interact, just like we did. I remember my grand father saying that he couldn't understand how kids can just sit on the phone for hours.

Weddings aren't going anywhere soon. It will take several decades of changes before we see any significant change with that. Sure, size of receptions, styles, formalities... Those may change. But there will still be a demand for a good wedding mc and Dj.
 
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Scott Hanna said:
Electronic social media can be used to form misguided relationships, just as they can in person, as hank pointed out.
They can be used to form good ones as well.
I believe it's naive to think a friendship cant be built on line. Just like in person relationships, the strongest the relationship, the more forms of communication are typically added to the mix.
When the telephones first came out, the president said it was interesting, but didn't see a need for it as a conversation should be in person. Yes, some conversations should, but 97% of them can be done via phone, and some today via text/social media

In the 70s and 80s, it was common for teens to be on the house phone for hours on end. Kids misused... Or over used what ever was available back them too. In the 90s, kids had pagers. We like to think kids today are much different, but they are not. They are just using what's available to interact, just like we did. I remember my grand father saying that he couldn't understand how kids can just sit on the phone for hours.

Weddings aren't going anywhere soon. It will take several decades of changes before we see any significant change with that. Sure, size of receptions, styles, formalities... Those may change. But there will still be a demand for a good wedding mc and Dj.
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Agreed. I've met a few people online who I consider good friends even though we've never met in person. They often times know more about what's going on in my life then my 'in person' friends.

As far as building a romantic relationship online. I don't buy into it. I'm not saying it cannot happen but you don't get the whole picture when you're only communicating with someone via Skype or Face Time. Often when you meet in person you realize there are whole other dimensions to these people and you may or may not like their other qualities.

I do think current technology is a great supplement to dating though. When you cannot physically see each other every day for whatever reason it's nice to be able to hop on Skype and see each other virtually. It's better than a phone call because you can see their smile and such.

There's also the opposite argument that constant contact via text, Facebook, etc can burn out a relationship and make one side feel smothered rather quickly.

Like anything technology is good when used in moderation.
 
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Scott Hanna said:
But there will still be a demand for a good wedding mc and Dj.
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I'll second that. It's my opinion that the biggest reason we get hired to play music is because the hosts are simply too chicken to make public announcements. I don't see that changing any time, ever.
 
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According to weddingreport.com

2013 Wedding Statistics Summary for United States
Number of Weddings 2,156,320
Average Wedding Cost $25,200
Market Value $54.3 Billion
Average Number of Guests 126 - 136

So if you take 40 weddings (the most I've done in a year) and divide it by 2,156,320 you get .00001855 percent of that total. I think we can all take a piece of that pie and probably be fine. ;)
 
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Big Dan said:
Agreed. I've met a few people online who I consider good friends even though we've never met in person. They often times know more about what's going on in my life then my 'in person' friends.

As far as building a romantic relationship online. I don't buy into it. I'm not saying it cannot happen but you don't get the whole picture when you're only communicating with someone via Skype or Face Time. Often when you meet in person you realize there are whole other dimensions to these people and you may or may not like their other qualities.

I do think current technology is a great supplement to dating though. When you cannot physically see each other every day for whatever reason it's nice to be able to hop on Skype and see each other virtually. It's better than a phone call because you can see their smile and such.

There's also the opposite argument that constant contact via text, Facebook, etc can burn out a relationship and make one side feel smothered rather quickly.

Like anything technology is good when used in moderation.
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I totally agree. I love using Skype and face time to keep in touch with family and friends. Face book too. Like any thing else, these can get over used or used poorly.

Just as in business, all of these tools and email can be used very effectively, and can be over used or used poorly.
 
Big Dan said:
Agreed. I've met a few people online who I consider good friends even though we've never met in person. They often times know more about what's going on in my life then my 'in person' friends.
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Knowing what's going on in your life makes them an acquaintance, not a friend. Friends are the people who are present with you and actually participate in your life. That I think is where people over-estimate the relationships they have online. As I said - most people are lucky to have just one or two real friends.

Someone is not my friend just because they know something about me. Plenty of acquaintance know something about me. Facebook for example, will tell you plenty about someone - that's still a very long way from "friend."

As far as building a romantic relationship online. I don't buy into it. I'm not saying it cannot happen but you don't get the whole picture when you're only communicating with someone via Skype or Face Time. Often when you meet in person you realize there are whole other dimensions to these people and you may or may not like their other qualities.
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That's a total contradiction to your previous comment. If you can truly develop a friendship online then you can most certainly develop intimacy online - so, which is it? Do real relationships require material participation in one's life or not?

Online, people fall in love with the idea of someone - I think the same can be said of purely online friendships that never move beyond the computer screens.

No one is doubting that technology is a good way to keep in touch over distances - but, I can guarantee that when a friend you have now moves away - each of you will also move on if the only way you ever contact each other is online. Friendships like any relationship do not survive a lack of participation - which is what is always missing from online relationships.

Friends are people who know your family and you know theirs. You know how they treat their family and are comfortable with how they treat yours. You know if they are selfish or selfless, and character is something you see each other practice - not something you simply talk about online. You share and participate in each others lives - participation that is much more than just conversation. In fact, there are times they need not say anything at all.

Consider the chat participants who have died over the years. For those referred to as friends - how many of you attended their funeral? Acquaintances may or may not show up at your funeral - friends, just like family always attend. To be friendly and acquainted with someone is not the same as being friends, at leas not in the real meaning of the word.
 
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Proformance said:
Knowing what's going on in your life makes them an acquaintance, not a friend. Friends are the people who are present with you and actually participate in your life. That I think is where people over-estimate the relationships they have online. As I said - most people are lucky to have just one or two real friends.

Someone is not my friend just because they know something about me. Plenty of acquaintance know something about me. Facebook for example, will tell you plenty about someone - that's still a very long way from "friend."



That's a total contradiction to your previous comment. If you can truly develop a friendship online then you can most certainly develop intimacy online - so, which is it? Do real relationships require material participation in one's life or not?

Online, people fall in love with the idea of someone - I think the same can be said of purely online friendships that never move beyond the computer screens.

No one is doubting that technology is a good way to keep in touch over distances - but, I can guarantee that when a friend you have now moves away - each of you will also move on if the only way you ever contact each other is online. Friendships like any relationship do not survive a lack of participation - which is what is always missing from online relationships.

Friends are people who know your family and you know theirs. You know how they treat their family and are comfortable with how they treat yours. You know if they are selfish or selfless, and character is something you see each other practice - not something you simply talk about online. You share and participate in each others lives - participation that is much more than just conversation. In fact, there are times they need not say anything at all.

Consider the chat participants who have died over the years. For those referred to as friends - how many of you attended their funeral? Acquaintances may or may not show up at your funeral - friends, just like family always attend. To be friendly and acquainted with someone is not the same as being friends, at leas not in the real meaning of the word.
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Romantic relationships are different than friendship at least for me. A romantic relationship requires physical contact in my opinion. Agreed with people falling in love with idea of someone online in the context of a romantic relationship.

I considered Jon a good friend. Over the years he got to know me better than some of 'real life' friends. When he passed I truly felt bad that I was unable to attend his funeral because I would have made the trip in a heartbeat. To this day I keep in touch with his mother. I did and still do consider him a good friend even though we never met in person and now we never will. Hopefully we get to meet on the other side.

Friendships, just like everything else in life come and go. People do stupid things to one another, people move, life circumstances change, etc For any one of those and a thousand other reasons a friendship can fall by the wayside. I do agree with your thoughts that most people are lucky to have 1 or 2 real friends and the others are pretty much just acquaintances.

My best friend growing up moved to Florida 5-6 years ago. We text almost daily and usually talk on the phone a couple times a week. Our friendship has continued even though there's 1500 miles between us and his life is 100% different than mine. That's because we both put in the effort to keep each other abrest of the goings on each other lives.
 
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Big Dan said:
Romantic relationships are different than friendship at least for me. A romantic relationship requires physical contact in my opinion. Agreed with people falling in love with idea of someone online in the context of a romantic relationship.
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Both require you to be physically present.

Like anything friendships fall on a continuum. The friendship may exist in one setting and not in others. This is what defines acquaintances which tend to have clearly implicit situational, locational, vocational, community, and interpersonal boundaries. An acquaintance is quite unlikely to show up at your door unannounced, and you would be caught off-guard if they did.

My best friend growing up moved to Florida 5-6 years ago. We text almost daily and usually talk on the phone a couple times a week. Our friendship has continued even though there's 1500 miles between us and his life is 100% different than mine. That's because we both put in the effort to keep each other abrest of the goings on each other lives.
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This is sort of what I mean. A friendship has changed and is bounded by distance and lives which are no longer similar or intertwined. We can communicate (narrate) but, likely don't actually socialize with one another anymore. What's missing is the physical presence - because, when this person says they are "okay" we have to take that at face value. When a friend shows up at the door and says they are "okay" it's usually pretty obvious if they are or are not.

That's what really defines friendship - someone who is physically and emotionally present, available to communicate more than a narrative - to speak and hear with more than just words. This is often even different than how we relate to our own family. You get one or two people like that in your life and you are very lucky. If you have many people like that then you are a rare soul, indeed.

Much of that reality is lost on the Facebook generation where being "seen" is valued more than being engaged.
 
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